If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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