So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
