I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
