I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
