He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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