I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
