so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
sarcasm needs its own font
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
