Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
