Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
