Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
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