? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
