I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
