Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
