U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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