There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
