I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
