we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
