All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
