Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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