# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
