I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
