hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
