I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Floor bacon is actually really good
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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