is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
