listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
