i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
