mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
