I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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