I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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