She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
