I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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