he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
