1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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