my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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