So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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