My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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