some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
