OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
