32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize