Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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