i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
