Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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