im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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