Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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