Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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