I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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