i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
