I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
