I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
In America we eat man semen.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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