I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
