I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
