Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
