Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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