I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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