wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You made out with two different species that night
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
that is very illegal...i love you.
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