im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Randomize
