I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Randomize
