she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
