kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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