community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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