my phone needs a breathalizer
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
